<p>Uncle Bobby’s hilariously misguided take on navigating social situations, from making friends to embracing enemies. Because who needs traditional wisdom when you can have a good laugh instead?</p>
Uncle Bobby says the only way to survive tourist season is to hide, hoard supplies, and avoid the beach like it's occupied enemy territory unless you’ve got a time machine and a helicopter.
Mail $17 in cash to seem emotionally invested, invent foot surgery to avoid parties, and never underestimate the value of free punch and awkward slideshows.
Let your lawn turn into a jungle, call weeds a pollinator paradise, and convince your neighbors that laziness is an advanced form of eco-consciousness.
Wear a $2 sombrero like it’s sacred family treasure, butcher Spanish with pride, and let tequila guide your life decisions—all in the name of Cinco de Bobb-o.
Skip hydration, pack beer, and battle spring like it’s peak summer with a sunburn, a questionable sandwich, and a fierce need to dominate UV rays and decency.
Uncle Bobby says shopping carts deserve freedom, so skip the return and let them roam like metallic wild stallions—think modern art, passive-aggressive puzzles, or high-speed rogue sociology.
Confuse the group chat into submission with cryptic fan photos, fake debts, and psychological warfare—because leaving is for amateurs.
Demand your coffee like a legend by giving them a fake name so powerful—like Commander Falcon—they can’t help but serve you with respect and fear.
Start public shaming or spark total anarchy—Uncle Bobby says it's the only way to defeat lazy shopping cart abandoners.
Uncle Bobby confidently suggests surviving the buffet wars by pretending to be in a shuffleboard tournament and going nocturnal to dodge dinner crowds.
Announce your social media detox with cryptic drama, then secretly stick around and "like" posts to keep everyone suspiciously intrigued.
Redefine “dry” to mean weekend drinking and pretend juice is wine—because survival is all about creative interpretation and hard squinting.