Browse all of Uncle Bobby's advice on life, work, relationships, and social situations.
Fight noise with noise by becoming an even louder office menace—think jackhammer typing, sloshing coffee like a stormy sea, and foghorn email alerts.
Start putting up Christmas decorations in October to assert dominance over your neighbors and confuse the calendar into giving you more holiday cheer.
If your spouse wants a fifth golden retriever, surprise them with two more and convert a room into a canine palace — because nothing screams love like a full-blown golden retriever kingdom.
Wear your fluffiest robe, clutch a hot cocoa, and claim the title of “Official Holiday Photographer” to dodge the 5K while securing prime couch position before the parade starts.
Forget nutrition—Uncle Bobby says bread shopping is best done blindfolded, guided only by the thrill of random grabs and shiny packaging.
Forget research—Uncle Bobby says to vote based on coin flips, smiles, and who you'd survive an elevator ride with.
Ignore recipes, triple the garlic, and if your chicken tastes like charcoal, just call it “Disaster Chic” and slather it in ketchup.
Forget fork etiquette—Uncle Bobby says grab the biggest one you see, swap utensils between bites, or just ditch them all and eat with your hands like a fine-dining rebel.
Proudly defend your shower habits with sketchy internet science and consider switching bathrooms until the judgmental stares subside.
Ditch the food rules and embrace the “See-Food” diet—if you see food, eat it, then spin a wheel to gamble your way to your next meal.
Ditch socks forever and go barefoot to escape the dreaded dryer black hole, or join the “Sock Witness Protection Program” and buy only one kind to fool fate.
Take your life savings and toss it into a cryptocurrency that sounds like allergy medicine—because nothing screams financial security like digital coins and cartoon dogs.